“Be confident!” – If only yelling and screaming these two words to young girls, teenagers or adult female athletes easily built self-belief and confidence. Now albeit this basic strategy isn’t perfect, there are specific techniques sports coaches can use to help women and girls approach every game with confidence, drive and aggressiveness, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
Coaches, building confidence in female athletes is about building positive one-on-one relationships with direct, honest feedback. Do it privately, rather than publicly. Confidence and self belief grow with repetition and persistence. Also a strong, loud, big physical sideline presence isn’t always effective either.
Like our male counterparts, women are fiercely competitive, hard-working and want to succeed. We also hate to lose. But the big difference between gender is we often lack confidence. We frequently believe we are not good enough, stopping us from reaching potentials we deep down (like wayyy deep down), know we can reach.
This post is specifically for sports coaches looking to boost the self-confidence of their female athletes. How you can structure practice and games with clever strategies to encourage self-belief to help the women, teenagers or young girls on your team be successful both on and off the field.
Why It’s Worth Your Time To Build Confidence In Your Female Athletes
Some of you at this point are already thinking, why don’t I just coach the men’s team?
While girls may seem a little more complicated and emotionally driven, I can assure you there are issues you’ll quickly discover coaching men too.
The Huffington Post called it “ego busting”, in compassion to “ego-boosting” in females, where you’ll need to open men’s eyes to the possibility that they may have lost or made a mistake, which comes with its own set of challenges. But this post is not a comparison between men and women in sports.
It’s about women and how sports coaches can build their player’s confidence to reach goals, love the sport and feel good about their performance, hopefully leading to a few wins.
If you do coach men and women simultaneously or have previously coached men and you’re looking for tips when transitioning to coaching women, later in the article I have included a video from a university women’s soccer coach who previously did just this. It’s 7 minutes of fascinating viewing and I encourage you to watch it. But for now, girl talk.
If your female players become more confident and not afraid to make the big play, will you win more games? Potentially.
If your players have more self-confidence and self-belief in one particular skill, will this transition to every other new skill or change you want to introduce? Probably not.
But as women become comfortable with each and every new skill, they will become fearless. Repetition is key here. It shows the players they have proven to themselves they can do it and it’s not just “beginners luck.”
They will then be able to build on this learned skill, thinking about strategies and techniques which could surprise the opposition. They didn’t have the mental capacity to do before because they were so worried about their own performance.
They will be loose in their movements and aggressive during play, even if they are “nice girls” because they know they can do it. They are not fearful of losing because they now have faith in their own ability. They have seen and felt themselves do it time and time again rather than simply being told they can do it.
If you can build confidence in your female athletes they will start to approach even new ideas, plays, skills and strategies with an open mind instead of instantly thinking they can’t do it.
Imagine the team you could create when your clever, skillful, hardworking women start believing they can and give it their all without holding back. Now that’s a team I want to come and watch.
Why Do Female Athletes Lack Confidence?
As a female athlete myself, well back in my hay day anyway, I’ll tell you why girls lack self-confidence, particularly when playing sports. Obviously, every lady and young girl is different depending on her developmental age and personal insecurities so keep this in mind as you read this list.
Self-Conscious
Confession. I started growing boobs about 3-4 years before a lot of my friends. I got my period well before everyone else and I certainly started growing hair and expanding in the hips region too. This was before I even really understood what was happening, despite my mom’s help, so you can imagine what was going on inside my head.
So how do you think this made me feel when trying out for the school sports team? Embarrassed that’s what. I felt like I was slower and simply “bigger” than the other girls before we even started playing.
If mom (or dad) hadn’t gone sports bra shopping yet or you hadn’t packed the right sanitary items so you were prepared for the unexpected, you can imagine how fearful and scared young teenage girls can be to put on a uniform or even take to the court, despite their natural talent.
If we shift away from puberty, women in the 20’s and beyond lack self-confidence too, but for different reasons.
They can worry about the way they look on court, thinking they are being harshly judged by onlookers. Really, women can be self-conscious about, well just about anything. Their hair, uniform, weight, acne, talent level, fitness…etc.
Don’t get me wrong, women don’t want you or sports to “fix” all these problems for them. They actually want to forget everything for the duration of the game. They just want to play sports, be with their friends, laugh and achieve something. Grow.
I mention this area of self-consciousness to make you aware of what can be going on inside the heads of your female athletes, as they often will never tell you. Don’t be scared about it, particularly if you are a male coach, just be observant.
Fearful of Failing and What That Will Look Like
Isn’t it just safer to stay in your own little bubble, not trying anything new, because inside the bubble you know how things work? You’ve done them repetitively your whole life and know you won’t be laughed at or bullied on social media for going against the grain.
We are all like this to some degree. We don’t want to visit new places, try new foods, talk to different people and take that job opportunity because there is a risk we are going to fail. There is a risk we are going to be viewed as a loser. There is a risk we are going to be laughed at.
If you’re happy inside the bubble’s safety then good for you, stay there. But as coaches of female athletes, we have to get our girls (both young and matured) out of the bubble.
Even though they are afraid to take the shot, afraid to jump higher, afraid to wear that and afraid to try because they might fail, we have to give them the supportive tools which show them they might fail, but it’s okay. While you can’t catch them every time they are unsuccessful, you can make them see that they can’t move forward, improve or win championships without failing sometimes.
We need to teach them to see it’s not worth worrying about the other girls who have successfully done this before them, the cute guy or girl on the sideline coming to watch or what mom, dad and the college scout think of you. It’s how you think about you. The rest takes care of itself.
“Female athletes respond emotionally before they exude their physical talents”.
(source)
Related post: Obnoxious Youth Sports Parents: Your Role As Coach
They Feel Like an Imposter
Both men and women can feel like an imposter when starting something new, but women naturally feel it for longer than men. The feelings of “being in the wrong place” because you “don’t belong” is something I have personally felt at numerous times during my sporting and professional life as an ER nurse. It’s crippling.
On the sports field, women may have been selected for the team but in the back of their minds, they have no idea why. They don’t see their natural ability as anything special and certainly not something other people value.
They may eventually realize their ability to run, shoot, jump is okay but we, for some reason, take a while to understand we have the potential to be the best. Of course there are exceptions but for the most part, women need a push to see their full potential.
Strategies To Building a Girls Confidence in Sports
So now we know about the why, let’s talk about the how.
Here are 11 logistical, tangible strategies to build confidence in your female athletes.
1. Listen
Girls love to chat. It’s part of our DNA. If you as the head coach are not talkative by nature, feel free to loosen up a little because most female athletes need it.
Girls crave advice and attention, particularly when we want to improve. But we don’t want to hear this publicly. It’s embarrassing and doesn’t help in building confidence.
However, if you organize one-on-one sessions with each player and maybe even the assistant coach to talk through expectations, set realistic goals and discuss areas of improvement, it will be a lot more impactful. But don’t make this like an interview. Be natural, go outside if appropriate and have some fun with it, talking about life outside the game too. We get a kick from social connections.
These don’t need to happen every week though. More like 2-3 times a season. But be open to players wanting to talk to you more often. Men internalize it. Girls talk.
Read How Beginner Youth Sports Coaches Can Earn Player Respect for more information on what an “open door policy” looks like without an office.
On the flip side to this, most female athletes know the answer to their problem already. They just need to “talk it out” and uncover the answer they probably already know.
Instead of listening for 10 seconds then quickly handing out advice to “fix the problem”, ask more questions. Yes, this can consume significantly more time than men, but it’s how we roll.
The best way to build confidence in your athlete is letting them figure it out on there own and that’s generally by talking through the problem.
2. Start and End Every Practice with Something Easy
Did you know Tiger Woods starts off his practices with 100 three-foot putts? (source) Why do you think he does this? It’s easy for him. It gets his mind into playing golf and reminds himself every day – I can do this. Even though I don’t think Tiger struggled with confidence.
Moving forward, start each practice session with something the girls know how to do, even if it seems boring. 20 free throws, 10 shots at goal or 5 laps of freestyle, etc. Do not introduce a new drill or challenge them with a new warm-up until they are comfortable with at last part of the drill.
“Getting their heads into practice” is a great first step to building confidence. 5-10 minutes tops is all you need here.
3. Use Specific Feedback
When addressing a group of girls/ women be very specific with your feedback, using names and specific examples in play. Using blanket feedback will make every girl on the team think they are to blame.
Of course, there are team goals and general observations but where possible use specific examples to explain your point of view. If you need to have your assistant take detailed notes or film the game to look back and review the exact moment of concern, your team will appreciate it and confidence will build.
Expect tears.
We have been told our entire lives it’s “okay to cry”, so expect it. Crying for us releases emotions and allows us to move on. It’s all part of the process. Let it happen.
4. Repetition and Persistence
Everything is hard the first time we do something, right? Just like riding a bike. I’m sure you once thought, how am I ever going to balance this thing on two wheels!? But look at you know. Ridding is a breeze.
While some men might pick up skills faster, this only happens because they were not afraid to make a mistake or fail. Most girls lack this natural, fearless gene. We need to practice something over and over and over again to feel confident. We need to persist and almost perfect a skill before we feel comfortable putting our heart and soul into demonstrating it to a crowd.
As coaches, we need to be patient and realize this repetition and persistence, even when the girls have given up trying, is imperative to their confidence.
If you’re tired of teaching the same skill repetitively, get creative. Think outside the square of how you could incorporate it into another drill which involves the entire team. Can you use music? Can you get a past female professional to come to practice to motivate and show them? These girls started playing sports because it was fun, so make it fun, loosen up and the cogs will start to turn.
Confidence will come in knowing they did homework and trained as hard as they possibly could. Make them work hard.
“The key to building self-confidence is repeated practice coupled with persistence”.
(source)
5. Don’t Yell So Much When You’re Angry. Be Tactful
When you watch animated coaches, what do you see? Loud, arms flying, clipboards being thrown and directions being screamed out constantly, right?
Well, this kind of approach to girls sports probably won’t have the same motivating effect as it does men. Most girls don’t like to be yelled at. It doesn’t get us fired up to want to do better. On the contrary, it makes girls think we’ve failed the team and let down our coach. We hate disappointing people!
A much better approach is to be clear and direct in your words but not hurtful. We want advice and we want to get better, but often girls need to feel the connection with you as coach first. You are the one person in the stadium who truly believes in their ability and who the player trust when they say “it’s okay to go for that shot”, even if you miss.
It’s good to be passionate and okay to get frustrated but find a way you can do it and build confidence at the same time.
Being positive doesn’t mean soft. Continue to set high standards but don’t scream and yell your point of view every time.
Related: Why Do Coaches Yell?
6. Before Every Game Show Positive Past Game Film or Statistics/Stories
In the video I referenced earlier (shown below) the coach before each and every game shows a highlight reel of what the girls did exceptionally well during the previous week’s performance.
He doesn’t show “areas of improvement” and instead solely uses these couple of minutes to build confidence in his players. The girls can see themselves actually doing the skill and not simply another coach giving an inspirational talk. This is powerful enough.
7. Allow For Their Input
While having a structured training plan is imperative to maximizing time and targetting areas that require practice, allowing slight flexibility into both games and practice can help build confidence.
Related: How Beginner Youth Sports Coaches Can Earn Player Respect
If the girls know they are part of something bigger, where the coach really does care and their teammates have become friends, self-belief is contagious.
Can they help reorganize warm-up? Can they incorporate music into cool down? Can they bring rollers and stretching equipment to practice and you teach them how to use it properly? Can you visit the local yoga studio as a team to build core strength and stamina?
Girls get excited, cheer loud and embrace the social aspects of the game. This is not to say it’s not serious when compared to men, it’s just different. Be open to change and consider your team a family. This works very well with women.
Allow for private and specialized coaching if you feel out of your depth. For example, a male coach teaching fastpitch softball didn’t grow up playing the sport and may find the movement unnatural. It’s okay to ask for help to make your team and individuals more effective.
8. Be Positive. Consistently
If you are new to coaching women, the constant level of positivity required to make your players feel validated could make you roll your eyes.
Thinking about how much I need sometimes, especially when starting a new job or something out my “bubble” I referenced earlier, makes me roll my eyes too.
But unfortunately or not, it’s what makes us tick. So get in the habit of looking for the upside of things and your players will start to think the same way.
The “just do your best” might be a little cheesy for some girls, so instead give them a goal for the game that is achievable. Yes, you might lose the game because sometimes the opponents are simply better, but at least that particular girl can go home knowing she played her part.
This instills a “focus on you, not them” mentality which helps keep players focused, even when the odds may not be in your favor.
9. Appoint a Team Captin
Girls really do inspire other girls.
Aspiring to be like or at least similar to the “best” builds confidence. If girls can see every practice that the captain works hard, is punctual, remains positive despite bad things happening and believes in herself to demonstrate a new skill, even on game day, it lifts players up more than anything else.
Seeing another female just “doing her thing,” even if she is terrified herself, makes women want to be better and have the confidence to give it their all.
The captain doesn’t need to be most talented but she should show the following qualities:
- Punctual and organized
- Mature
- Hard-working
- Supportive
I recently published a post titled, “Should Coaches Pick Capains?” where I explore that the captain is not necessarily the loudest, funniest or even the most talented, but they do need to be respected by their peers. Take a look at this post for an in-depth look at sports captains and if they could be effective for your team.
Appointing a captain during the younger years may not be appropriate and have an opposite effect, so use your own judgment.
10. Don’t Tell Your Female Players to “Not Think About It”
Women and even youth girls are not wired this way. It’s impossible for us to “think about nothing.” I often ask my husband Daniel what he is thinking about if he’s quiet. He looks to be deep in thought, though he often responds with, “nothing.” As a woman, I have never in my life not thought about something…
If your female athlete is stressed before an event or nervous before the game, instead of telling them “not to think about it” or “go over there to distract your thoughts then come back just before the start”, use positive imagery. You may have heard this before but imagining yourself doing the movement perfectly can get your girls into the right headspace.
Distract them from the things they are thinking about but cannot control.
As a sports coach of females, you will make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up and become full of your own self-doubt and instead try a new technique, pursue a different strategy (ie, employing a female member of staff) and try again. Listen to your own advice. Girls can be pretty forgiving when the person admits their faults.
[VIDEO] – Advice for male coaches, but interesting for female coaches too!
11. Inspire them
I touched on this earlier but women are social beings. I joke with my friends when they start a conversation with, “do you want to…” and before they have even said where we are going and what we are doing, every one of us has already said yes.
If something looks fun, interesting and a good experience you’ll get buy-in as a coach. Women and young girls will give something a go, starting that confidence-building thing, if there is little stress and it creates happiness….. we’re in.
If you can create an environment that looks like this but also encourages genuine hard work and competitiveness (girls need constant reminders on how to be competitive), you’re on the money.
Language Tip:
Avoid phrase like “Tom Boy” and “throw like a girl”, as most girls don’t find these terms very motivating…
Coaching Men vs Coaching Women
I have mentioned throughout this post a few variations between coaching men and women, but I think this coach, Anson Dorrance, sums it up perfectly. This is the video I referenced throughout this post.
Summary: Coaches Guide to Building Confidence in Female Athletes
Imagine what your girls could achieve with confidence and self-belief? Not just in the sporting arena but in the classroom, in a boardroom and in social circles. You as a coach have the potential to get these girls to reach this happy place. Will it be hard, stressful and slow? Probably. But it will be worth it and the rewards can sometimes be life-changing!
As a coach, how do you build confidence in your female players?
Cheers,
Emma
